"Why did the chicken cross the road?"
Colonel Sanders: "It wasn't one of our chickens. They don't have to, because now KFC delivers!"
Mr. Spock: "It seemed like the logical thing to do at the time."
Captain Kirk: "To boldly go where no chicken has gone before"
Gilligan & The Skipper: "The traffic started getting rough; the chicken had to cross. If not for the plumage of its peerless tail the chicken would be lost, the chicken would be lost."
The Bible: "And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken, 'Thou shalt cross the road.' And the Chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing."
Jerry Seinfeld: "Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn't anyone ever think to ask, 'What the heck was this chicken doing walking around all over the place anyway?'"
Karl Marx: "To escape the bourgeois middle-class struggle"
Arnold Schwarzenegger: "He'll be baaack!"
Richard Nixon: "The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did NOT cross the road."
Ralph Nader: "Because the crossing guard was asleep on the job. We need a new program to make our interstates safer for people and poultry alike. H.R. I-80, introduced in the Congress this morning, takes the first needed step in that direction."
John Locke: "Because he was exercising his natural right to liberty"
Immanuel Kant: "The chicken, being an autonomous being, chose to cross the road of his own free will"
Thomas Jefferson: "Sometimes, in the course of avian events, it becomes necessary for one flock to dissolve the bands which have connected them with their owners, and to assume among the powers of the earth their separate and equal station on the other side of the road"
Neil Armstrong: "That's one small crossing for a chicken, one giant leap for chicken-kind."
Hamlet: "That is not the question"
Bob Dylan: "How many roads must one chicken cross?"
Aristotle: "To actualize its potential"
Darwin: "It was the logical next step after coming down from the trees. Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected in such a way that they are now genetically predisposed to cross roads."
Darwin: "Let me tell you about the voyage of the beagle instead"
Howard Cosell: "It may very well have been one of the most astonishing events to grace the annals of history. An historic, unprecedented avian biped with the temerity to attempt such an herculean achievement formerly relegated to homo sapien pedestrians is truly a remarkable occurence."
Ralph Waldo Emerson: "It didn't cross the road; it transcended it."
Oliver North: "National Security was at stake."
Jack Nicholson: "Cause it (censored) wanted to. That's the (censored) reason."
Henry David Thoreau: "To live deliberately ... and suck all the marrow out of life."
Mark Twain: "The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated."
Robert Frost: "To cross the road less traveled by."
Bill Gates: "We own the road. We own the chicken. It's none of your damn business."
Bill Gates: "I
have just released the new Chicken 2000, which will both cross roads AND
balance your checkbook"
Einstein: "Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the chicken depends upon your frame of reference."
Kelly Bundy: "How do you spell chicken?"
Sir Isaac Newton: "Chickens at rest tend to stay at rest. Chickens in motion tend to cross the road."
Plato: "For the greater good"
Machiavelli: "So that its subjects will view it with admiration, as a chicken which has the daring and courage to boldly cross the road, but also with fear, for whom among them has the strength to contend with such a paragon of avian virtue? In such a manner is the princely chicken's dominion maintained."
Arthur Andersen Consultant: "The chicken's traditional posture was threatened by global competition, and it had to move upscale, creating the competencies required for its emerging market. Andersen Consulting (AC) partnered with this client, helping it to reconceptualize its physical distribution strategy and to implement the requisite survival processes. Anderson's Poultry Integration Model (PIM) re-aligned the client's technology in support of its overall strategy within a Program Management (PM) framework of Direct Crossing (DC). Leveraging their synergy together, the client and Anderson integrated the underlying mission, vision, and core values into a total managerial solution and enabled a successful AC-DC cross-median traverse."